I’ve been feeling awfully guilty lately about my lack of work.
I am self-employed. When I don’t have work, I feel guilty for not working. Every time I do something that I enjoy, I feel guilty. Even if it’s a chore that I happen to really enjoy. For example, a few days ago, I was hanging my laundry on the clothesline to dry, an enjoyable chore, but a chore nonetheless, and I felt a pang of guilt. I was working, for crying out loud! I was doing chores, and yet, the guilt appears.
I’m constantly “shoulding” myself – I should be working on a script; I should be writing; I should be looking up grants; I should be preparing for my audition tomorrow; I should be trying to get work; I should this; I should that. It gets to the point that even if I’m doing something on the incredibly long “to-do” list that I’ve created for myself, I feel guilty that I haven’t done the other things on the list already.
Maybe I actually have an addiction to feeling guilty.
Guilt can be a useful thing, certainly. It makes me do the things that I really, really, REALLY don’t want to do. It guides me. It keeps me honest. It can even act as motivation.
But I seem to be addicted to it. I cannot allow myself to enjoy my life. I constantly think, what right do I have to sit on this couch and read a book, when I’m not bringing any money into the household? How dare I go shopping for new clothes, when I haven’t earned a proper pay cheque in three months?
I have what some would consider a dream life: I don’t have a full-time job. When I do work, I LOVE what I do. I don’t make a lot of money; however, I have all the time in the world to walk my dogs, and read, and relax. But I just can’t shake the guilty feeling that I don’t deserve any of it.
Do other self-employed people feel this way? Do you find it hard to relax and enjoy yourself when you’re not working? I need to learn how to deal with this. It’s a big part of being an actor: learning to deal with the times when you’re “resting between engagements.”
You see a clothesline; I see guilt. (Photo credit: Grant MacDonald)
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Hi Jamie Lee. First of all let me thank you for putting the link to my blog post on your blog. Secondly, sounds like we lead similar lives. I too, have what some might call a “dream life.” I am married and have a dog. I’m also able to stay home and pursue my writing career. There was a time when I felt guilty not always having a paycheck too. As I grow older, it doesn’t bother me as much. I do have moments when something might tweak that guilt-nerve, but for the most part I’m comfortable with it now. I don’t know how I fell into this, but perhaps it will come over time with you too. Wishing you lots of luck and many blessings.
Thank you for your thoughts, Lori. I think it may be something that just takes time to get used to. I spent 20 years of my life in school, where the message is work hard to be successful. Maybe I need a few more years of “de-programming” that message.
It doesn’t sound to me, like you’re not working to be successful. You just have a little more time on your hands than you’re use to.
Oh Jamie, that sounds terrible to feel guilty all the time. Not that I don’t deal with my own problems, but they certainly aren’t guilt. Josh and I did a little thing a few years ago suggested in “Smart Couples Finish Rich” and that was to list our priorities – boy was it an eye opener – and boy did we differ. My priorities are happiness, family, friends, and health before career. Now that I know that these are my priorities in life, I have no guilt doing things that make me happy, healthy or that involve my friends or family. If you think that might help, you can borrow the book. I think sometimes we’re programmed to think that we should be working all the time, but that’s not necessarily true for all of us – maybe that’s why we’re attracted to the theatre life.
Ange – I’d love to borrow the book! I really like what you said about defining your priorities and now that you know what they are, you can enjoy more activities. You’re right about the programming, too. It might take awhile for me to learn new attitudes toward work.
I feel guilty for not working on a day off, even though I DO have a “regular” job now and no time “between contracts”. I feel your pain. My mom has a saying that I try to live by… but most times don’t succeed. Maybe it will help you:
“Guilt is a choice. Build a bridge and get over it.”
The words aren’t said with any malice, or judgement, or anger, they’re just said as words of advice.
I love your words of advice! Thank you so much (and thank you to your mom). Will also told that if it makes me feel any better, he can work 80 hours a week and still feel guilty about the things he doesn’t get done. So, I think I really do need to just get over it (always easier said than done, right?)
I say enjoy life while you can. So many run as fast as they can through life to only find out they’ve run themselves and their bodies into the ground. Once they do have time to enjoy life they are unable. I’m self-employed as well and it took quite a few years to find that balance. I’m fortunate I have a wife that works as well and doesn’t hold my odd work schedule against me. I do have the advantage of when I do work I can make in a day what some might make in a week in these parts. The flip side of all that is I have no retirement or health insurance so I know I’ll probably have to be working until they kick dirt in my face. Don’t feel guilty. Pursue what you love and attack life. Take care.
Thank you! Great words of advice. It’s lovely to hear from other self-employed people and how they deal with the same issues. “Pursue what you love and attack life” – LOVE IT!
Oh, my God – you’re me! I’m constantly “shoulding” myself, too. Maybe I’m also addicted to guilt? Sadly, I have no advice to offer you, but I do have chocolate.
Yes, chocolate always help! Glad to hear I’m not the only one
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